Navigating adulthood with a difficult past: The unspoken resilience of survivors
Written by Vicky Pearson
Navigating adulthood as someone who has lived through a difficult childhood or traumatic early life is not just hard, it’s a quietly exhausting and often isolating experience. From casual work conversations about family holidays to forming deeper connections with friends or partners, we are constantly expected to show up as “normal,” even when our pasts are anything but.
Topics like childhood abuse, long-term illness, homelessness, or abusive relationships are often taboo in everyday conversations. When shared, they are dismissed as “trauma dumping” or met with awkward silences and pity, reactions that can leave survivors feeling even more alienated. Yet these are not just traumas; they are life experiences that shape who we are. They forge our resilience, our adaptability, and our strength.
For many of us who’ve survived these experiences, we’ve not only had to live through them, but also carry on afterwards, often without family support, a safety net, or a guidebook. We’ve turned to therapy, self-work, and sheer determination to rebuild ourselves into functional, successful adults. But that journey is rarely visible to the outside world.
The truth is: survivors walk among you. We laugh in meetings, network at conferences, and chat over coffee. But there’s always that moment, when someone shares a “funny” story about their childhood, or asks about your parents, that can throw you off course. Sometimes we share a memory too, only to see the horror on others’ faces, realising too late that what was once “normal” to us is anything but.
As a child, I often feared that I would become a statistic. I only ever heard about people like me in the context of crime, addiction, or serial killers. I genuinely worried that surviving abuse meant I was doomed to fail in adulthood. And truthfully, there were moments where trauma did rule my life. I turned to substance use, risky decisions, and toxic relationships, not because I was broken, but because I was trying to cope.
But I didn’t want my past to win. And I’m not alone in that. Many women have not only survived, they’ve thrived. Women who now lead companies, run their own businesses, support others, and carry the wisdom of their experiences like a quiet superpower.
There’s plenty of media showing women in trauma, but far less about what comes after.
Where are the stories of women who rebuild? Who rise from abuse, illness, or poverty and becomes tenacious, compassionate, high-performing professionals? Where are the examples of how adversity becomes fuel for innovation, leadership, and courage?
This blog article is for those women.
Because having no roadmap doesn’t mean you’re lost.
Because resilience isn’t loud, it’s consistent.
And because your past is not your destiny, even if it shaped your direction.
But we still face a dilemma: how do we tell these stories without retraumatising ourselves, or others?
How do we make space for these truths in professional spaces, without being labelled as “too much,” “too intense,” or “too damaged”?
The answer lies in representation, boundaries, and empowerment. We need more women sharing their journeys with agency and care. We need workplaces and networks that understand resilience doesn’t always come from mentorship or privilege, but sometimes from pure survival. And we need to hear more about the rebuilding, not just the breaking.
To every woman navigating life with a difficult past, know this:
You are not alone.
You are not too much.
And you have already done more than most people will ever understand.
Let’s start talking about the after stories, with pride, with nuance, and with the recognition that survival is not the end. It’s the beginning! We’d love to hear your stories.
Want to chat about smashing it in your business?
We work with women and LGBTQIA+ led businesses ready to move from surviving to scaling. Are you smashing it in your fieldor do you want to? Or not sure how to get where you want to go, we’re here for your next journey.
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